Making order out of chaos

I learned this past weekend that I am not the least bit graceful. Like, at all.

Spastic Things I Did This Weekend:

1. Burned my finger on the side of the slow cooker.

The Universe was warning me, but I very foolishly ignored it – a few hours later, I did the following:

2. Spilled the contents of a fresh and full glass of iced tea directly into the vent of my new PC.

This is what happens when you play World of Warcraft on your weeks old PC and get too excited. I gestured wildly at another player, who cannot see or hear the real me, because he had the effrontery to ride his gargantuan dinosaur into Undercity and cut off my view such that I fell off a staircase. This gesture connected solidly with a full glass of iced tea and sent it pouring directly into the air vent of my new PC.

I pushed my chair back, swore impressively, and threw myself at the PC (smartly tipping it to the side to avoid more iced tea getting in) while madly unplugging it.

Joe and I blotted the video card dry, dried the inside of the casing and the fans and decided to let it take some air for awhile.

3. Covered my feet in shattered glass.

After we’d mopped up most of the iced tea we remembered that the table I use as a desk has a leaf that would extend directly over the PC; thus protecting it from future acts of stupidity. In order to extend the leaf we needed an inch more of space to move it forward and then up and back into place.

The bookcase next to the table was blocking us a bit, so I decided to wiggle it forward by degrees. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to check for objects that might fall on my head.

A small glass candle holder that we kept our Bic lighters in (the cool ones with long stem thingies so you don’t set your hands on fire lighting tea lights) fell from the shelf mid-wiggle, bounced off my shoulder, and smashed rather spectacularly all over the tile floor.

At this point, I am standing directly in a puddle of shattered glass and iced tea that we missed in the initial cleanup; plus completely soaked pants, shirt and sweater (from the iced tea mishap).

I decided pretty quickly that whole situation was actually pretty funny and laughed my fool head off while Joe rolled his eyes and got the broom.

I have never, ever, spilled anything on any computer ever. What better way to remedy that than to spill an entire glass of iced tea into my first ever new PC.

Lucky for me, the PC dried OK and everything still works fine.

I found the last of the glass slivers this evening several feet away from the crash site and got to it before I stepped on it. I also had a very good day at work.

I might be the Universe’s bitch, but sometimes, she throws some good luck my way.

I was going to write a long and flowery apology post about not being around for the last five weeks or so and abandoning this blog (thus adding to the detritus that clutters the Internet) but, instead, I am going to make a list that will explain everything.

Ten Things I Have Learned (Fairly Recently)

1. New Job (which I started five weeks ago) does not mean I must go to work, kill myself actually working for 8 hours of the day and then come home and slump around the house all brain-dead. Joe tells me I am the only person he knows who actually works an entire eight hours and that most people only work six. What I want to know is how do you account for those other two hours on your time sheet? Does your company have a TUA code?
2. I despise heat waves. It hasn’t been going on for five weeks, but it sure feels like it. I want my nice cool Vancouver weather back!
3. I have a seriously skewed view of Other People. I mean, my brain is like a fun house mirror where everyone but me looks glamorous and pretty and does Wonderfully Interesting things. Why do I think like this? I have no idea, but now I know how entirely retarded I am.
4. I need to read more books. Yes, I said it – I need to read more books. This is what comes of sharing a picnic lunch with people who work at a library. I feel so illiterate!
5. I need to spend more time on professional development – perhaps I can use those two hours I’m not supposed to be working for this. I want to learn to use Illustrator and have more time to think about writing and career/job related things so I can get better at what I do.
6. I must stop yelling at my DSi while playing Chrono Trigger. It’s not the DSi’s fault that the people who made this game give you absolutely no idea of what the hell you should be doing at any given time. Of COURSE I was supposed to go back to the room with the spinning wheel – no, no, the other room with the spinning wheel – and listen to the flighty princess in disguise whine. Duh!
7. Trying to plan an uncomplicated wedding is complicated. Come on City of Vancouver – own up to it. This marriage licence + park licence + insurance + marriage commissioner fee for a 10 minute wedding = total scam. You know I’m right. Joe and I will get “married” in the backyard by a hobo at this rate.
8. I enjoy doing nothing. I never thought I did – I used to be Very Productive, now I can do nothing at all with the best of them. Just because I am awake, it does not follow that I must be doing something productive to benefit all of mankind (or my laundry basket).
9. Sleeping in is good.
10. I eat too much popcorn.

So there it is, my list, my apology, my…whatever. It’s good to be getting back to the rest of my life again!

Anyone who has chatted with me on MSN very quickly learns to read Renee-ese. I think well enough, my thoughts are generally coherent and phrased well (if a little archaically – I blame Jane Austen). When those thoughts are translated to MSN, they’re a mess. Typos galore, no sense of grammar and I have even spelt my own name wrong on several occasions.

My friend Amanda on the other hand is some sort of genius copywriter or grammar guru – her MSN messages are nearly 100% error free and entirely readable.

So, Amanda and I were chatting online one day when she noticed a typo – I had written “It was very entertainting.”

Her immediate response was that a typo that good needed a definition. I have provided one with an illustration:

Now that’s entertaintment!

(And thanks to Amanda and her eye for amusing, erroneous detail!)