Category — weird stuff

I am participating in CurlyWurlyGurly’s theme posting challenge for June: The WORST candy in the history of mankind has to be Hershey’s Eat-More bar.

The Eat-More bar is supposedly a “chewy dark toffee, peanut and chocolate” bar. But what you never hear about is how these bars are made – well, I am spilling my guts to the world now. No more secrets! This is how Eat-More is manufactured:

1. Go to work at candy bar factory.
2. Pick up random bits of toffee, peanuts and chocolate on the bottom of your boots.
3. Scrape boots off into the Eat-More bucket at the end of your shift.
4. Grave-yard shift workers press it into bars and sell it.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s an economical and environmentally friendly method for making candy, but even if their boots are clean; do you really want to eat candy that was on the floor? This defies the five second rule and is, quite frankly, unhygienic.

I did try to get a picture of it, but it sensed my great dislike for it and would not allow me to take its photo. All the photos were blurred and in one, I’m fairly certain I saw a cluster of peanut bits shaped like Satan. But, I am not one to disappoint my readers and I discovered the Candy Blog has a very nice and in-focus photo of it.

Besides which, the candy looks rather like a shiny turd with peanut bits embedded in it and this is a G rated blog. Someone has to think of the children.

My father would tell me I am a cretin for not loving these bars. He claims they are tasty, they keep the mail moving (though how that much sugar translates into fibre I will never know) and the number one reason to love Eat-More bars (according to dear old Dad) is folding the wrapper like so:

I tried eating a little piece of the bar – after all I have broadened my horizons somewhat since I was 7 years old – but, my refined adult palate wholeheartedly rejected the candy and went running straight into the arms of a 3 Musketeers bar.

Dad, if you’re reading this, I’m sure it’s Mum’s faulty genes that dictate my hatred for this candy. I still like beer if that helps.

After three weeks away with the faeries, I came back to find I’d been tagged in a meme by Pannonica. Who am I to not answer the call?

Here’s the fine print and rules and all that:

• Link to your original tagger and list these rules in your post.
• Share 7 facts about yourself in the post.
• Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names and links to their blogs.
• Let them know they’ve been tagged.

Seven facts about me:

1. I enjoy getting these “all about me” sort of memes. Where else is it so acceptable and even expected to talk about yourself incessantly. I don’t know too many people who truly hate talking about themselves and these let you rattle on and on!
2. I enjoy cleaning messy things – stoves, bathrooms, bedrooms…whatever. I like seeing things well organized and clean. It gives me warm fuzzies that are second only to putting on warm socks fresh out of the dryer.
3. I am usually pretty generous with my things except for popcorn and books. I DO NOT share popcorn. Period. Get your own and keep your greedy eyes away from mine. I will share my books, but I am the nastiest librarian ever. When I say I want that book back in exactly the same condition I lent it out in – I really mean it.
4. I have an absolute horror of being late for things. If we’re meeting at 6 for dinner, you can bet I was in the neighbourhood at 5 (and sitting in nearby coffee shop checking my watch obsessively) and I will be no less than 15 minutes early for our date.
5. My book collection is organized like Chapters. Children’s books in one section, classic literature in another etc. I tried putting them on the shelves in alphabetical order by author, but I could never find anything. I expect to find Dickens and Austen keeping company and that my collection of hard cover Twilight books will be in general fiction.
6. Which leads to…I liked the Twilight books. No, I do not have any shame. I mean sure, they are silly and obsessive and even creepy at times – but the 16 year old girl in me LOVED them! The adult I was supposed to become thinks they’re ridiculous, but I never listen to her much anyway.
7. I believe that being a kid for the rest of my life is an honourable aspiration. It allows me to still believe in things I can’t see, own crayons and a couple of colouring books, play with toys when I’m feeling silly and adore cartoons. Plus, I still think that Sugar Crisp cereal with chocolate milk is fantastic!

Now for the dreaded tagging – but you don’t have to participate if you don’t want to (or Pan got to you first):

• The DailyDish – because now that she’s moved and got her pretty blue garbage bags out for collection, I feel OK about being nosy.
• Nate – anyone who can write about Guitar Hero as science is someone I need to know more stuff about.
• Lens Impressions – I’m hoping she’ll write one on Waldi’s behalf because honestly, that dog is ridiculously adorable. And I want photos too.
• Romi – I’m just nosy – her site is more entertaining than People magazine and her facts will be hilarious.
• Free and Flawed – She already shares lots about her life – but the public need to hear more is not so easily sated. Plus, she draws stick people too!
• CurlyWurlyGurly – Come oooonnnnn – all the cool kids are doing it!!

OK, that’s only six people, but I never said I would follow the rules.

That’s where I’ve been for three weeks!

I was innocently wandering on the hillside and suddenly the hillside opened – I was taken inside by a tall spindly man called Fetcher.

Don’t worry, it was the Seelie faery court and though they were mischievous at times, they were also kind – they granted me wings and gave me a new name (which I cannot say because names are power as you know).

I was also treated to the finest food I have ever eaten – strange mushrooms cooked in even stranger herbs, the sweetest wines and an odd type of candy with a small faery light in the centre.

It seemed I was there only an evening or two  – time passes strangely there, but when I found myself alone, wingless and cold on the hillside – minus my shoes too!  I’d bet a bag of faery shinies that little elfling took them – I knew it had been much longer.

Three weeks the police say and everyone worried sick.

But I’m back here, at least in body. At night, I dream of that hillside and I can still hear their strange music on the wind.