Category — stick people

Happy Easter everyone!

Mmmmm...rabbit...

Remember Tom Cruise in Magnolia?  Remember this part:

Today’s sticky note is my take on the text version of that video on Fast Seduction 101 (probably NSFW).

I see this in Vancouver frequently: a purse-sized animal – usually a dog – that is better dressed and more fashionable than I am. I see dogs in Burberry patterned raincoats, with warm little booties on their feet being lovingly hauled around in a Prada knock-off bag with their owners iPhone and $20 chapstick.

I could see getting a very small or sick animal something extra to keep them warmer or dryer in really nasty weather – I wouldn’t go pee in the backyard while naked in a snowstorm either – but some of the sites devoted to dog clothing seem to equate owning a pet with owning a barking (or meowing) Barbie.

Here are some of the examples I found online:

• Nautical pantie set (I wish I were making that up)
• Irish Lass dress
• Hoodies
• wedding dress
• Faux pearl and diamond necklace
• Juicy Couture track suit
• Circus collar and leash set (now only $107.50!)
• Romantic snow jacket (by Louis Vuitton!)
• tank top

There are more.  There are many, many more.

Pet lovers reading this, especially pet lovers who buy their pets Juicy Couture clothing, are probably thinking, “What a bitch! I bet she hates all animals and kicks puppies!” Truthfully, I love animals and I miss having a dog around the house. I’d get one except that a) my lease forbids it and b) I want nothing smaller than a German Shepherd and it would be unfair to confine a big, energetic dog to this small amount of space.

But even once I have my dream pet I will never dress him up in couture clothing. I can’t imagine buying myself a designer track suit or nautical pantie set, so I sure as hell would not buy my dog that stuff (unless he requests it!). Besides, I can’t picture any piece of clothing that would look anything but demeaning and ridiculous on a dog that looks like a wolf.

So, future dog that I do not yet own, I am sorry you have such a cretin for an owner. I’m sorry that the other dogs in the park might tease you for your lack of fashion sense and deride you for being a backwards mutt who runs around in public naked. But, I promise that I will buy you the good food that will keep you healthy, take you to the vet regularly, play with you every day and be your best pal and that I will never, ever, refer to you as “my widdle snookums”.

Thank you to Mala and her Onion calendar for the inspiration!