Category — sex

Remember Tom Cruise in Magnolia?  Remember this part:

Today’s sticky note is my take on the text version of that video on Fast Seduction 101 (probably NSFW).

Back in July, I wrote a post called To hell with condoms – get a vasectomy! in response to an article I’d read in Details magazine.

To recap that post: The article talks about the joys of free-wheeling sex with no need for condoms since a guy who’s had a vasectomy can’t get anyone pregnant. The article then goes on to give details of a couple of schmucks who think women are essentially crazy bitches who want nothing more than to oops an unwilling guy into fatherhood.

My response was that the writer of the article was irresponsible for failing to mention that vasectomies are pretty damn good at preventing pregnancy, but not STDs. I was also a little horrified that the article seems to support unsafe sex with multiple partners – “swinging from the chandelier sex” – with no mention of ensuring both/all participants safety.

Anyway, since that post went up I’ve had a lot of comments on it (well, for my blog it’s a lot of comments) and as of today that post has been viewed over 800 times.

In the last month, here are the search terms used to find that post (and my comments in italics):

• how old you have to be to get a vasectomy (in Vancouver, most clinics seem to think 30 is a good age)
• lied about vasectomy to be promiscuous (way to spread disease and cause unwanted pregnancies jerk)
• dating a man who’s had a vasectomy (well, you’re unlikely to get pregnant)
• vasectomy std condom
• do you still need to use a condom if you’ve had a vasectomy (you do if you’re worried about STDs)
• pregnant condom vasectomy
• vasectomy for 23 year old (I’d wait a little longer – but that’s just me)
• can a woman become pregnant after her man has had a vasectomy (less than 1% chance)
• should i get a vasectomy (Google is not a Magic 8 Ball – talk to your doctor)

I think what worries me most is that people have the idea that vasectomies put an end to STDs. As though the inability to get a woman pregnant also bestows magical, disease-repelling powers. This is most certainly false.

I’ve noticed too that not one of the search terms used to find that post since it went up in July has had anything about getting tested for STDs. Not one.

If you’re not sure about yourself – get tested. If you’re worried about catching one from your partner, get tested together.

A lot of people will say “But, I’m in a long-term monogamous relationship! I haven’t got a disease – and neither does my Significant Other!”

And if you both came to that relationship as virgins – then yeah, you’re probably safe. But if you didn’t, if you’ve had other partners and had unprotected sex with any of them or had some random one-nighter where you’re not sure if you were safe or not then getting tested is a good way to set your mind at ease.

I figure it’s a way of being respectful of yourself and your partner to say “I’m no angel but I know I want to have something serious with you – so I’m getting tested to make sure nothing I’ve done in my past affects our future together.”

As for screwing around with random people – if that’s your thing then be prepared to be safe about it. Condoms don’t take up a lot of space. Put one in your jacket pocket or your purse – even if you’ve had a vasectomy or have been told that you’re safe because he had a vasectomy.

I probably seem like a pushy bitch when it comes to condom use – but I feel very strongly about it.

I also want to address the most recent comment on the July post from JR.  JR said that condoms “have a failure rate of 10-15%” and that vasectomies only have a “failure rate of 0.1%”.

Let’s get something cleared up about the failure rate of condoms: ‘typical’ use of condoms has a failure rate of  10 to 18%. Typical use means you are NOT using the condoms properly. Perfect use of condoms has a 2% failure rate and coupled with spermicides and other contraceptives that rate falls further.

‘Typical’ use of condoms includes:

• Uncovered contact with your partner before putting on a condom (pre-ejaculate contains sperm!).
• Not rolling the condom down the entire length of the penis.
• Staying inside your partner after ejaculation and allowing the penis to become flaccid.
• Not holding/securing the condom as you pull out of your partner.
• Not washing yourself thoroughly after removing the condom.
• Improper storing of condom (in wallet, direct sunlight etc.).
• Tears in the condom from removing it from the packet (i.e., with teeth, sharp fingernails etc.).
• Using oil-based lubricants with the condom (oil breaks down the latex).
• Using a very old condom (they can dry out and break down even in the packet).
• “double-bagging”  (i.e., using two condoms at the same time) this actually increases the risk of condom failure.

‘Perfect’ use of condoms is making an effort to NOT do the things on the above list – and even then, you have as much as a 2% chance of sex leading to an unplanned pregnancy.

As for vasectomies, JR is correct – there is a less than 1% chance of failure. Though, men must be cautioned that the rates of success do vary slightly depending on the surgical technique used and the surgeon himself.

I think vasectomies are pretty great at preventing pregnancy – it’s the closest you can get to a guarantee aside from abstaining (and what fun would that be?) – but a vasectomy DOES NOT prevent you from giving or receiving sexually transmitted diseases.

So, just to recap: I am NOT against vasectomies. I am against unprotected sex with multiple partners – vasectomy or not! – and I think that Details magazine was remiss in not addressing this in their article.

And JR, if you’re reading this, you should really refrain from identifying with truly “thoughtful and caring” men if you’re going to say women are “dumb” and refer to us as “stupid hormone ravaged PMS’ing c**ts!”