This sounds like a pretty serious dilemma! Please be assured my post is aimed more towards the guys who are thinking stuff like “If I get a vasectomy, I can head down to Cancun and screw everything that moves during Spring Break! Woo!”

You don’t strike me as that sort of guy.

It sounds like your wife has had a change of heart about kids (assuming she truly agreed with the original decision to not have children) and I think given her opinion on the subject now, your worry surrounding sex sounds understandable.

Have you and she thought about counseling? This is a pretty major issue to disagree on even if money wasn’t an issue (and holy cow are kids expensive! I’m not sure anyone is prepared for that cost).

Desperation can make people make poor and even selfish decisions – perhaps talking to someone together to find out why she’s changed her mind would help. It may be nothing more than she’s only seeing the rosy side of babies (friend’s babies are great – they’re cute, temporary and free – and they go home with the friend!) or perhaps she really has changed her mind entirely in which case you’ll need to talk it out and see where that leads.

I’d be honest about everything though – it sounds you really do care for her and getting a vasectomy without saying anything isn’t in the same category as say, telling her that dress looks wonderful on her even though it’s terrible and unflattering.

I don’t envy the position you’re in, whatever you do will be a hard decision to make. I do hope you’ll let me know how it works out (and I hope it works out well!).

She KNOWS I dont do well nerves-wise with children, even though I do enjoy the presence of them from time to time. I am beseiged with the ‘let’s have a child’ thing, or the ‘I whant to know if I can’, thing. I am at my whitts’ end. I check the condoms before and AFTER I use them, but this thing is driving me nuts. (no pun intended) So tired of being paranoid…

I know its only a matter of time before ‘something’ happens. The previous poster further back is right. If they whant to, they will find a way. Sage wisdom from every female member of my family.

I love her more than anything or anyone in the world, but its like I have no right to a choice in the matter and I KNOW what desparation for anything can make a person do. My sanity is at stake.

Im thinking of taking a ‘trip to help my family out’ in the summer. just long enough to have it done and to recover both my body and regain some piece of mind. You dont know what its like to worry over this all the time every time you have intimate contact.

A no scalpel vasectomy or even the traditional one wont take too long to recover from and can be descretly done. Im tired of having to be on my guard every time someone brings their ‘little angel’ around and she gets the fever again.

Im not trying to be an A-hole here. I know my limits and I know how things can go. She gets the fever and takes no consideration for the reality of the situation. Im the only one making any money and the way things are, one income cant support a child in our house properly. Clothes vaccinations, pre-natal and post natal visits, food, college, doctor visits. Good lord! does anybody think of these things anymore!?. Nope… Gotta have a baby no matter what it takes. Hubby can pay for it all while I play sims, WOW or solitare.

Hubby CANT pay for it all! …and change diapers and tend the child at the same time. How is this fair to me? In this day and age, if you dont have a lot, it takes almost two incomes to maintain a household with a child growing up. If only one rows the boat, it just goes around and around.