To hell with condoms, get a vasectomy!
Yes, you read that title correctly.
Yesterday I was browsing around Chapters waiting for Joe and I found a copy of Details magazine. The story on the cover – “Forget condoms – Young, single guys are getting vasectomies” – caught my eye.
I assumed the tone of this article would be a horrified one. That some older and wiser man had written an article to say “Getting snipped might be the latest thing in sexcapades, but you can still get the clap you moron. Use a condom.”
Nope. No mention of STD’s or responsible use of condoms at all. In fact, guys worrying about “their partners’ vigilance with the Pill” are getting snipped rather than using condoms because condoms are “less than ideal in terms of pleasure” and are not 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnany. Worse, the article implies that lots of women lie about taking birth control and are looking to “oops” a guy into fatherhood and collect hefty child-support payments.
The first guy the article mentions, Marcus Whitlock, got a vasectomy when he was 23 (he lied to the doctor and said he was 30) because sex was a “tense, fraught ordeal” due to the possibility of pregnancy. Whitlock says “Now I can never have a girl say I made her pregnant. I don’t have to worry about being tricked.”
Tim Vass – another poor guy who nearly fell victim to evil, baby-craving women – also got snipped. He made the decision after “a half-dozen pregnancy scares, including what he says were two attempted oopsings. Both of the latter were one-night stands.” Tim is now a free bird and has “swinging-from-the-chandelier sex”.
My first thought was “Don’t flatter yourselves, you assholes.”
What I get from these two guys is not just “Women are tricky bitches.” (though their statements reek of that sentiment) but also “I plan on having a lot of sex and I can’t be bothered to use condoms.”
I hope these two studs have good health care plans that will pay for a lot of penicillin and Valtrex.
Sure, condoms might make things feel a little less sensitive than they could – but you could always check out what Trojan has available. I counted no less than six types of extra-sensitive condoms on their site. Don’t tell me they’re too expensive either – Trojan will send you a free sample.
You could also just resort to good, old-fashioned, solo masturbation. Not quite as fun as sex with a partner, but the paranoia surrounding possible “oopses” drops to exactly zero percent.
I have to admit, there ARE women who trick guys into being fathers – and the people who suffer most in those instances are the child. I don’t feel sorry for the woman who tricks a guy into fatherhood, nor do I feel particularly sorry for the guy who got tricked (you could have chosen the solo stuff dude); I feel sorry for the kid.
This article was probably read by other men like Marcus and Tim – paranoid guys with a sense of entitlement to all the free-wheeling sex they want – so why is there nothing in this article to educate them about being responsible?
Guys like that are going to get vasectomies anyway. Trojan could dump a lifetime supply of condoms – free of charge – in their laps and they’d get snipped and use the condoms for balloons. This article had a responsibility to tell these idiots that getting snipped does not entitle you to become a man-whore and collect STDs to pass along to other people. A vasectomy is not a guard against syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital herpes, HIV or any other nasty little infections.
I have to give the author a tiny bit of credit – he does mention the fear of “sneak pregnancies” is “irrational”, but then goes on to say that many of the guys getting vasectomies are doing it so they have control over when and if they have kids. They are sick of it being “only the woman’s opinion” that matters.
Uh, guys, you already HAVE control. It’s called condoms – sometimes it’s called abstinence. Your opinion matters, and you can express your opinion by wearing a condom. In fact, if you’re sleeping with a woman who you feel would trick you into fatherhood – maybe you shouldn’t sleep with her at all. Why not do the solo thing until you meet a woman you can trust and respect?
That’s the sort of control that is directly within your means – and there are no unpleasant side-effects.
20 comments
While I agree that condom use cannot be replaced with a vasectomy, there are only so many STDs condoms can protect you from, and genital herpes isn’t one of them, nor is HPV.
@ubuntucat – True! Though condoms still lessen your chances of picking them up from a partner.
I suppose there is no fool-proof method but abstinence really – and I doubt the guys who are getting vasectomies would really be into that option.
oh geeze. well yea the guys who are worried about being “duped” into fatherhood – those definitely aren’t the girls they should be interested in….!
Let’s get the following out of the way:
Promiscuous sterilized men should always wear condoms to protect against STDs.
Promiscuous men who are not sterilized should wear condoms to protect against STDs and prevent conception.
Men who are absolutely certain that they never want to sire a child and get a vasectomy are acting in a responsible fashion. They are free to exercise their reproductive rights no different than women.
So why do I get the sense that what REALLY irks you is men who get vasectomies as opposed to promiscuous men who don’t use condoms (which can be done if you are sterile or not).
If there is anything irresponsible about the article, it’s the suggestion that the fear of being oopsed is irrational
so vasectomy=worry free sex? me thinks not. as you mentioned, there are plenty o’ diseases out there just waitin’ to be caught. troubling…
Hmm… at least the idiots who get a vasectomy at 23 won’t reproduce and pass on the idiot genes?
A “tense, fraught ordeal” indeed. Next they’ll need a couple Xanax just to get it on.
Here’s my question: When did abstinence go out of style? If you’re so tense it probably wasn’t good for her or you. So why not save the disappointment for both of you and keep it in your pants.
@RISUG – I’m not irked by vasectomies at all. I agree that men who are absolutely certain they never want children should get vasectomies if they want them.
What irks me is men who get vasectomies and then sleep around in a promiscuous fashion without the use of condoms to protect against STDs. I’m all for swinging-from-the-chandelier sex as long as it’s safe.
This article heavily implies that the guys they mention are behaving promiscuously – and unsafely so – simply because they can’t impregnate anyone.
I do think the fear of being “oopsed” is irrational. If you’re worried about a partner deceiving you like that – don’t sleep with her. Pretty simple solution. Even if you’ve had a vasectomy I’d say don’t sleep with people you suspect would lie to you. Seems morally degrading to me to sleep with someone you think would deceive you – no matter what that deception was. And it seems desperate on the guys part to essentially say “I think you’re probably a lying cow – but I’m horny, so let’s get it on anyway.”
@Curlywurlygurly – exactly! Sleeping with lots of people is one thing, doing it with no protection is quite another.
@Elle – we can only hope!
@Mayhem – Abstinence is probably the best choice for guys who are that paranoid.
I second Elle and Mayhem whole heartedly. The guys who participated in this article are much more interested in the “score” than in “intimacy” of any kind. Which is pretty sad.
When did responsibility go out of fashion?
@ Dead Charming – I think responsibility went out the window right about the time doctors started handing out vasectomies like candy to careless young men.
Rambleicious -
How would a doctor know that a man who has casual sex will discontinue condom usage because he is sterile?
How would a doctor know that a woman who has casual sex will cease insisting that her partner wear a condom because she’s on The Pill, has an IUD, NuvaRing, cervical cap or is sterile?
How would a doctor even know that casual sex is taking place or will take place?
Doctors have no means by which to verify whether a patient is careless or not.
In most states any adult of sound mind can elect for sterilization. Location will determine how difficult or not it will be to find a doctor willing to perform said procedure.
I can attest that in New York City there are no shortage of doctors who will grant the request of any 18-year-old woman of sound mind.
As for being oopsed – it is not an irrational fear for the male gender,
-at least not for the intelligent ones- who are viscerally aware that in the event of conception, a man has zero options.
By the way, the majority of oopsing is done by married women. Because the majority of oopsing is fueled by baby-fever.
Therefore, being in a trusting monogamous relationship does not provide immunity for a man.
When baby-fever strikes a woman, especially a married woman, there is a bio-chemical storm that rages relentlessly, and an act that is unquestionably immoral becomes justified, sometimes easily, sometimes not so easily, but ultimately -in many cases- justified.
Hubby wants to wait a few years before starting a family, or hubby doesn’t want anymore children than they’ve already had, but wifey is delerious with baby-fever and she wants to start a family NOW, or she HAS to have one more child.
What’s standing in her way?
Hubby’s feelings on the matter? HAH! What feelings? Baby-fever eats those for lunch!
So that leaves:
The Pill? HAH! – Can you say flush twice?
IUD? HAH! – Nothing a trip to the OB/GYN can’t fix.
NuvaRing? HAH! – Three months, same NuvaRing. >>>wink wink<<<
Cervical cap? HAH! – A pinprick or seven should do the trick.
Natural Family Planning? HAH! – HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!
Hubby and wifey discussed birth control, and they came to a MUTUAL agreement that they would employ one of the many options available to women instead of condoms, and why not?
Afterall, no need to worry about STDs, and no need to worry about wifey disgarding, removing, neglecting, sabotaging, or fudging birth control; because hubby loves wifey, and wifey loves hubby, and hubby and wifey have the utmost trust in one another……but it’s not always as simple as ABC and 123 in every loving, trusting, committed relationship.
Plenty of hubbies cheat, and love their wives.
Plenty of wives oops, and love their hubbies.
The complexities of life are multudinous.
This makes me really glad that I’m not still dating…especially not these guys.
@RISUG – You’re right of course, a doctor has no way of knowing whether any person – sterilized or not; male or female – would practice safe sex.
Any doctor worth his medical degree should be able to guess that an 18 year old walking in asking to be sterilized is probably in need of a little councelling. Also – vasectomies and tubal ligations are not 100% – not all the time anyway. A guy who’s been snipped can still become a daddy and mother with a tubal ligation can still end up pregnant (though most likely with an ectopic pregnancy which is incredibly dangerous and can be fatal if not caught).
My point is the article neglected any mention of safe sex at all. The author never says “Hey guys, get sterilized, that’s cool, but you can still catch a disease, so wrap it up ok?”
I think you are maligning intelligent men – intelliegent men tend not sleep with or marry women who they think might lie to them or deceive them into caring for a child they never wanted in the first place and if they do, they can still wear a condom.
I also think you’re doing a disservice to women on the whole. You’ve placed all the onus – and blame – on her. Both people in a relationship are responsible for the correct use of birth control if they’ve agreed they don’t want kids. STD’s are less likely in a committed and monogamous relationship, but an “oops” can still happen – even unintentionally. Not all women are struck with “baby-fever” and most women – at least the ones who aren’t deceiving themselves – are able to control the “bio-chemical storm” and NOT deceive their partners.
I’m not saying it never happens of course, SOME women, married or single, are deceptive, are crazy with baby-lust and will do anything to have what they want. These women also tend to be young women barely out of their teens or insecure women trying to use a baby as relationship glue or as a means of getting “unconditional love”.
Lots of couples do come to an agreement about birth control methods that don’t involve condoms – unfortunately, with the exception of sterilization, none of those methods are foolproof – even when taken or used correctly – and the poor guy who gets a women who decides to flush her pills or get her IUD removed (and most doctors won’t even insert these any more – too many issues) or whatever is probably up the creek – and in those instances, I do feel bad for the guy.
I would say that couples who deceive each other on the big issues like pregnancy and fidelity don’t love each other all that much. For me at least, love and respect go together – if I were ever so disrespectful as to sleep around or get pregnant with a baby my other half has made it clear he doesn’t want, not only do I not respect him but I would say that maybe I don’t love him as much as I think I do either.
Relationships aren’t simple, but not lying to your partner is: don’t do it.
Rambleicious-
We’ve already established that promiscuous men -sterilized or not- should always wear condoms.
To date, no woman with *successful insertion* of Essure micro-inserts that led to tissue occlusion has become pregnant; this includes the trials going back to 1997, not just since it’s FDA approval in 2002.
To date, vasectomies in which a section of each vas is excised and the ends terminated via fascial interposition and/or sutures followed by cauterization -have a 0% rate of recanalization. Fascial interposition has been used since 2002, sutures have been used since the 15th century.
The issues related to IUDs were a result of the poorly designed Dalkon Shield plastic IUD (which had a multifilament tail).
It was manufactured by the A. H. Robins Company and sold by Robins in the United States for three and a half years from January 1971 through June 1974, before sales were suspended by Robins on June 28, 1974 at the request of the FDA because of safety concerns following reports of 110 septic spontaneous abortions in women with the Dalkon Shield in place, seven of whom had died. Robins stopped international sales of the Dalkon Shield in April 1975.
Second-generation copper-T IUDs were also introduced in the 1970s. These devices had higher surface areas of copper, and for the first time consistently achieved effectiveness rates of greater than 99%. Worldwide today, with the exception of the new GyneFix, this is the only type of IUD available.
However, due to the infamous Dalkon Shield, the modern era IUD is marred by myths in the United States.
The Association of Reproductive Health Professions state that these myths have led to the decrease in use of IUDS within the United States. The common misconceptions are: causes ectopic pregnancies, serves as an abortifacient, causes pelvic inflammatory disease, and causes infertility.
However, in other countries, the IUD is an extremely popular method of contraception. In fact, the IUD is the world’s most widely used method of reversible birth control, currently used by nearly 160 million women (just over two-thirds of whom are in China where it is the most widely used birth control method, surpassing sterilization).
Never said all women are struck with baby-fever.
Never said all women who are struck with baby-fever resort to chicanery.
An accidental oops has nothing to do with reproductive fraud.
The possibility of a legitimate oops does not justify reproductive fraud.
Many couples mutually decide on a contraceptive method that involves the female as sole proprietor, this makes sense considering the lack of non-permanent male options…or option (condoms), if you don’t count the pull-out “method”.
No, the women who oops don’t tend to be on any one end of the age spectrum. And like it or not the majority are married women.
Yes, many people in monogamous, committed, trusting, loving relationships -such as yourself- could never act in such a fashion…but just as many people -in relationships no less monogamous, no less committed, no less trusing, and no less loving- can, and have.
Yes, there are things in life that are absolute, but love is not one of them.
Condoms have a failure rate of 10-15%
Vasectomies have a failure rate of 0.1%
These guys are smart, and at age 19 with a girlfriend I intend on marrying and how could die from having a baby, I wish I could get one. You dumb women need to think about stuff like that. A guy’s not an a-hole for getting a vasectomy, maybe he is just really caring and thoughtful. Sometimes a woman DOESN’T want to have a baby you stupid hormone ravaged PMS’ing cunts!
Goodness – I can’t believe I’m having to say this again, but please, PLEASE actually read the post before commenting.
I am NOT coming down on vasectomies in general – if you absolutely know you don’t want or can’t have kids – get one and do it with my full blessings. If you are getting one simply to have promiscuous sex without thinking of the STDs you’re still exposing yourself to, then you’re an idiot.
And if you read the post in its entirety rather than skimming it, you’ll see that’s exactly what I’ve said.
It’s terrible that your girlfriend is in a position to lose her life due to an unplanned pregnancy, that must be scary as hell. And in your case, given that you are in a monogamous relationship and simply cannot risk a pregnancy, I think a vasectomy is a good idea.
Also, I don’t know a single “caring and thoughtful” man who refers to women as “stupid hormone ravaged PMS’ing cunts.” Just saying.
JR – I sincerely hope your girlfriend doesnt want to marry you, especially if you call her a cunt. I dont think you can really classify yourself as a caring and thoughtful individual. I also dont think that at 19 you are mature enough to have rational ideas and thoughts regarding children. Should you choose to one day have children or get the vasectomy you so desire, I suggest getting professional help for your anger towards women. We dont find being called hormone ravaged cunts a turn on.
[...] condom failure rates, STDs, preventing pregnancy, STD tests Back in July, I wrote a post called To hell with condoms – get a vasectomy! in response to an article I’d read in Details [...]
My wife and I talked on the subject of having kids a LONG time ago very seriously, and very repeatedly. I thought that it was clear that having children was something I didnt whant. We agreed that this would not come into the equasion. We did what lovers do and eventualy after a long and wonderful courtship got married when we were sure we were ready. Then after the ring… Baby fever… over and over again.
She KNOWS I dont do well nerves-wise with children, even though I do enjoy the presence of them from time to time. I am beseiged with the ‘let’s have a child’ thing, or the ‘I whant to know if I can’, thing. I am at my whitts’ end. I check the condoms before and AFTER I use them, but this thing is driving me nuts. (no pun intended) So tired of being paranoid…
I know its only a matter of time before ‘something’ happens. The previous poster further back is right. If they whant to, they will find a way. Sage wisdom from every female member of my family.
I love her more than anything or anyone in the world, but its like I have no right to a choice in the matter and I KNOW what desparation for anything can make a person do. My sanity is at stake.
Im thinking of taking a ‘trip to help my family out’ in the summer. just long enough to have it done and to recover both my body and regain some piece of mind. You dont know what its like to worry over this all the time every time you have intimate contact.
A no scalpel vasectomy or even the traditional one wont take too long to recover from and can be descretly done. Im tired of having to be on my guard every time someone brings their ‘little angel’ around and she gets the fever again.
Im not trying to be an A-hole here. I know my limits and I know how things can go. She gets the fever and takes no consideration for the reality of the situation. Im the only one making any money and the way things are, one income cant support a child in our house properly. Clothes vaccinations, pre-natal and post natal visits, food, college, doctor visits. Good lord! does anybody think of these things anymore!?. Nope… Gotta have a baby no matter what it takes. Hubby can pay for it all while I play sims, WOW or solitare.
Hubby CANT pay for it all! …and change diapers and tend the child at the same time. How is this fair to me? In this day and age, if you dont have a lot, it takes almost two incomes to maintain a household with a child growing up. If only one rows the boat, it just goes around and around.
@Eddie – Wow.
This sounds like a pretty serious dilemma! Please be assured my post is aimed more towards the guys who are thinking stuff like “If I get a vasectomy, I can head down to Cancun and screw everything that moves during Spring Break! Woo!”
You don’t strike me as that sort of guy.
It sounds like your wife has had a change of heart about kids (assuming she truly agreed with the original decision to not have children) and I think given her opinion on the subject now, your worry surrounding sex sounds understandable.
Have you and she thought about counseling? This is a pretty major issue to disagree on even if money wasn’t an issue (and holy cow are kids expensive! I’m not sure anyone is prepared for that cost).
Desperation can make people make poor and even selfish decisions – perhaps talking to someone together to find out why she’s changed her mind would help. It may be nothing more than she’s only seeing the rosy side of babies (friend’s babies are great – they’re cute, temporary and free – and they go home with the friend!) or perhaps she really has changed her mind entirely in which case you’ll need to talk it out and see where that leads.
I’d be honest about everything though – it sounds you really do care for her and getting a vasectomy without saying anything isn’t in the same category as say, telling her that dress looks wonderful on her even though it’s terrible and unflattering.
I don’t envy the position you’re in, whatever you do will be a hard decision to make. I do hope you’ll let me know how it works out (and I hope it works out well!).
Leave a Comment