A letter to my brain

Dear Brain,

I think we need to talk.

I am not satisfied with the quality or content of my dreams lately and I want a straight answer as to why things have gone downhill.

For instance, last night you had me dreaming about my ex. Again. I know he made us temporarily insane, but really, having your still-beating heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on does that. This is not a surprise. And don’t get me started on the crazy shit since. Let’s chalk up it up to him being generally moronic and self-deluding and move on shall we?

Not content to give me one unpleasant dream, you also conjured me up an infant that I kept referring to as “my son”. Granted, he was adorable and seemed reasonably quiet and happy, but let’s face it; we both know this isn’t going to happen in real life. Think of all the times we’ve been irritated by the three year old above us! The tantrums, the constant running, stomping, yelling, whining and tricycle riding right above our heads! Is that really something we want in our life?

I didn’t think so.

I don’t want to be a bother, but I need more than upsetting dreams about my ex and mildly disturbing ones about a child I don’t have.

What about something involving me floating around in a nice, calm sea? How about a little something involving a certain Mr. Brad Pitt?  Hell, I’d settle for a dream where I go to a bookstore and they give me all the free books I can carry just for being cute.

I’ve been trying to do right by you, brain. I eat healthy, I read good books, I indulge your love of terrible historical romance novels, I let you read all the cheesy vampire novels you want and I even take you in for a mental tidy pretty regularly.

I am a good host – you float around up there in relative splendor, listening to Mozart and the Ramones and doodling while I take care of your needs and I don’t mind.

All I ask in return is a few nice dreams. I want to wake up wondering if I really was living in a stone house by the sea in Scotland, or if Brad and I really did go to a carnival together and get booted off the Tunnel of Love ride for being obscene.

I must give credit where it is due though – you’ve improved a lot over the last two years. You found me enough courage to move out west, get engaged to the perfect man and start my own business. You also found me some untapped and unspoiled self-confidence! We’ve built some great things out of the rubble that used to be my insides.

We sleep in on weekends again, we read, draw and paint again, we’ve demolished and thrown out much of the Bad Stuff that made us crazy! Most importantly, we both know better than to accept second place ever again – and to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction should we find ourselves in yet another repeat of the Bad Stuff.

Dreaming seems to be the only trouble spot, but I think we can work this out. We’ve been together a good long time now and I think we have something worth saving.

I hope you feel the same way.

Love,

me