The Explosive Child – a book review
Title: The Explosive Child
Author: Ross W. Greene, Ph.D.
Publisher: Harper
Pages: 275 (not including resources or index)
Price: $18.95 CAD
I picked this book up from Odin Books as a way to better understand the child who lives above us. Joe and I rent the bottom half of a house and the child who lives above us is a bright and articulate child of three years old – except for his extremely explosive temper tantrums.
I don’t mean the normal crying or whining that happens when a child is hungry or tired, but the sort of screaming, kicking and all out tantrum of a child who is enraged. He doesn’t have a tantrum everyday, but we hear at least two a week on average in our downstairs apartment.
Obviously this both alarms and irritates us. I’m not a parent, but I do have a fair bit of experience with children and I’ve only seen one child out of the many I’ve cared for have a tantrum that bad – and that was because I wouldn’t let him hit his infant brother with a stick.
We’ve all seen a child throwing a fit in a store or playground and watched the parents try to scold, restrain or sweet-talk the child into better behaviour. Most people think “If that were my kid, I’d give him a swift kick in the pants! What a brat!” I’ve been guilty of that thought many times and after reading this book I have more empathy for both the parents of the explosive child and the child themselves.
Dr. Greene encourages readers to move beyond seeing the kid as a brat and to see them as a person with a very specific learning disability. These children are motivated to do well, they want to do the right thing and they understand the consequences of yelling, screaming, swearing, hitting and destroying things – but they lack the skills necessary for frustration tolerance, adaptability and flexibility.
What do you do for a child who has trouble reading? You get him a tutor to help him learn the skill. The same principle applies to a child who cannot tolerate any kind of frustration and cannot be flexible in their thinking; you teach them these skills.
The book then delves into the different ways of dealing with an explosive child.
First there is Plan A: “Do as I say because I said so.” This way of thinking usually causes the explosive child to completely lose it. They feel their opinions are not being heard and don’t matter and they’re right. Plan A thinking doesn’t allow for an opinion other than the parent’s opinion.
Then there is Plan B: “You don’t want to do that? How come?” This approach lets the child know they are being listened to and that the parent wants to work out a mutually satisfying outcome to the problem at hand.
Finally, Plan C: “OK, let’s do it your way.” A last resort when the explosion has already happened and the child is too far gone to be reasonable. This allows the child to calm down and Plan B can be revisited later when both parties are calmer.
Plan B uses Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) which is the cornerstone of this book and is explored and discussed in great depth.
Dr. Greene takes readers through many different scenarios, adds in the difficulties of siblings, spouses, teachers and other caregivers – all while showing the use of CPS to help a child move from exploding on the slightest provocation to a child who can say “I’m frustrated because…”
This book doesn’t cover your average child who really is just being a brat, or who regularly uses whining and crocodile tears to get a slightly over-indulgent parent to give them what they want. It is directed at parents whose child is regularly having total meltdowns over everyday things and who may have additional issues like ADHD. The issue of medicating an explosive child is also covered and Dr. Greene does talk about some of the medications that could help a child, but cautions against running right out and accepting the first drug offered. In his view, a prescription pad isn’t the solution to an explosive child – but medication can assist in using CPS by helping the child be calmer.
The writing can seem a little repetitive while you’re actually reading the book - he covers CPS/Plan B every way to Sunday – but the result is that when you’ve read the book, you really understand the issue and the solution. The tone of the book is friendly and does not lay blame. Dr. Greene simply talks about what’s not working now, why it doesn’t work and what will work.
My only complaint about the book would be that the information regarding different medications could have been presented more clearly – perhaps in a table – to make it easier to read and compare the types of drugs available and their possible side effects.
This book isn’t a quick fix to the perfect child, but it’s a great start for parents who are serious about giving their explosive child the skills to think more clearly in frustrating situations.
If nothing else, I have a better idea of how the child above us must be feeling – and the difficulties his parents must have in living with an explosive child. I doubt this will do a lot to curb my annoyance at being woken at 6:30 a.m. by an earsplitting screaming fest, but I’ll be less inclined to think they’re just letting him run wild above our heads.
More information is available at the Center for Collaborative Problem Solving.
6 comments
We have an explosive 15 year old. It’s really hard sometimes!
@lwaywright – this book was aimed a explosive kids of all ages – maybe this book could help you too!
I only feel qualified to say maybe since I’m not a psychiatrist or a parent, but what could it hurt?
Wow, you keep asking questions and psychologists have some answers. I agree with Dr. Greene. Although, I wonder does he discuss a very simple concept of brain physiology. Children can not be Happy and Scared (or angry) in addition children can not be angry and think logically at the same time. Its actually impossible. The receptors in the brain (prefrontal cortex, amygdala, hippocampus, and frontal striatum) and the operations of the parasympathetic nervous system for chemical and physical barriers to wait until chemical and physical resolution. So take for example said screaming child, ever try to reason with the child although, after a time out they are much more reasonable….The reason for that is actually because that lets them “calm” down their “nerves” (funny that its is actually literal in this case) so they address what is bothering them. In addition, some children who do have those temper tantrums may have had a already difficult childhood as is, and are merely adapting to the environment by which they live.
So as I am a developing developmental psychologist , (e.g., no degree conferred, but seeking), who spends a great deal of time looking at psychopathology, the life-span, and morality the best route I’ve noticed in my studies is to start raising the child right in the first place. So, to save myself time I actually copied an article I wrote in 2007 on this very topic.
The article addresses the question, “Two families seek your consultation. One family waits, ‘hand on foot’ to keep the child satisfied and quiet. The second family, ‘ignores’ the child so it does not learn to control the parents. According to what bodies of research, and current developmental psychology, (in concordance with appropriate ethical means) is the best parent practice. (exclude the pathological).
Enjoy!
Based on the studies by Ainsworth and Bell, prompt service creates less fussy babies although, recent research states it is an age-appropriate defined question. The method has at least three pathways. In the first pathway—not attending in need basis—develops in the child a lack of sense of security. In essence: child cries, caregiver does not respond, child cries louder, caregiver does not respond, child begins discover crying does not bring care therefore no develop a sense of security developed. In the second pathway to respond to all cries (needed or not) the child is positively reinforced by the attention. As the child discovers that crying brings the caregiver every time the child will then use it to bring the parents anytime it is chooses. Finally, according to Ainsworth, “prompt responding produces content babies,” but in a study done later by Hubbard and van IJzendoorn found that, “there is no evidence to prompt service produced less fussy babies.” A possible reason the studies differed is because, “there was no mother in our sample who rushed anxiously to intervene whenever her baby cried.” In the case of Brett, he would need to know that prompt responding does not mean responding to every cry, he must be selective and “ignore minor fussing but respond before the baby can ‘get all worked up and out of control’”. Moreover recent research states babies can start to maintain themselves at 3 to 5 months of age. In Suzanne’s case she must understand that it is OK to do that to an extent during an age-appropriate time, although, she must respond to “in need” cries. So overall, both have appropriate methods according to recent research, as long as they understand, “being responsive—without being intrusive—is the best balance” for everyone in the family.
hmmm…sounds like some of the techniques i use with my high school students. if you empower them a bit, listen to them a bit, and love them a lot, they are different people. thanks for the info! (ps. i’ve missed ya!)
@Nate – I usually did the selective response with my cousin. If it was just a little fussing, I’d wait, but if she was really wailing or sounded genuinely distressed I would go see to her.
There were a few times though where I just sat outside for a few minutes when she was really screaming and freaking out for no apparent reason. I’d make sure she was physically safe and then just sit outside for 10 minutes. That kind of screaming can really push you to the edge of sanity.
@Curly – I did a little teaching (grades 7,8 & 9) and that was more or less the approach I took too. Those kids were generally pretty cool people. A little spazzy in the head some days, but still awesome.
I’ve been working on a couple of contract projects here – so it’s been a bit nuts with that. I just applied for a business name yesterday too so I can work as a writer-for-hire properly.
Funny thing is these same techniques work with dogs…
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